Try And Love Again, The Meanest Speed and the 2*√15″ hypothesis: Groundwork from 1988-2016

The Meanspeed Conjecture from top to bottom – making It Simple So You Can Take Your Mind Back From Contemporary Noise Ubiquity

Eagles | Try and Love Again | velocity-timeline chart
Eagles | Try and Love Again | velocity-timeline chart

I never cared about the origin of the cliche To kill 2 birds with one stone. In truth, I am a user of cliches, and a self-professed Master of the Obvious, as my college fraternity roomate at Psi of Psi Upsilon at Hamilton College Brother Robards called me. “I killed two birds with one stone”—we all know what that conveys–you had two tasks to complete and you only had to make one serious act in order to receive results in both. But come on–who would want to kill two birds with one stone? That is cruel! As per the Kosher, you take an animal out with [one shot that the animal never sees coming]. Ok, now that I’ve mixed about 4 metaphors, let me use them. The birds above are the patterns I saw in speed, which, again, when I saw the overall pattern about which we are about to examine from top to bottom–well, from bottom to top–still, the point is, I took these findings as obvious and I went–first chance I had, next day as the doors opened–to get the book on this speed phenomenon. Well, Exactly 18 years later you are reading “the book” in progress. It’s amazing (to me, maybe not to you!) how “the times” molded me–in 1988, I did not own a computer–had never used one. Al Gore had yet to “invent” the internet, so I had many useful charts, All dressed up with no place to go—well, until Nancy Pelosi came around and invented the blog–or was that Trent Lott? (seriously). All the patterns were seen by using a legal pad and on each page of same pad list speeds that were “standard” on a metronome, ie, 50, 52, 54, 56, 58, 60, 63, 66, 69, 72, 76, 80, 84, 88, 92, 96, 100, 104, 108, 112, 116, 120, 126, 132, 144, 152 and so on and match them to songs that I would calibrate and then use to practice keyboards. I was only using these lists as guides on how to become a better musician through use of a metronome. I found two things about the metronome: 1) if you couldn’t play along with one at any speed with comfort, your chances of getting a gig ever, anywhere, were not very good–and I have live in New York City since 1984–and it is true, that yes, you can get gigs here, and also, it’s so damned tough that —I warned I was a man of cliche–that if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere–so said, most do not make it here; 2) if you played on it with no reference point, it was, well, abstract–click, click, click. But when you see and hear a dozen songs or so at a speed, the click becomes familiar. The first visual representations of meanspeed music theory as I later came to call the pattern I did in 1995 with Microsoft Excel, which I mention almost twice daily–but that program can do work in nanoseconds that would take me years–and it frees me to, well, calibrate more songs—but still, Central Limit Theorem applies—-the more songs that fit the pattern, the more likely the pattern is correct. My findings have changed very little–really not at all, just refined, from the second it all came together. The charts allow anyone to view Musically naked the whole piece of music as the People’s Sheet Music: a reasonable person can follow any of the charts on or here. The birds–a metaphor to Get the speed message out there so that you can all rock to the best possible music and use the speed element if you so choose. The other bird—I’ve accumulated quite a few files, especially since 1999, of Excel spreadsheets that bird 2a) I wanted to show others, as, in the below: What do you think? So I scanned some of the best of the Meanspeed archives to kill all the birds–gettig the message out, putting the files to use and saving them digitally—and MORE importantly BY FAR–taking a look at a sample of each speed category with the corresponding emotion as a whole. It is great that I can write the scale which some call the meanspeed scale, but some just call it the mean scale—whatever. The point is that this putting theory to work-yeah–does require your attention. There are enough For Dummies books on the market, and if you’ve read this far, you know what I mean. The songs: ok, above, Purple Rain by Prince in the catgory I called self-righteous melodrama, then wistful, then just melodrama–but I think you get the idea. Below is a comparitive chart featuring Pink Floyd playing Comfortably Numb at the speed of Sincerity, creeping into romance. The song is about a child life threatening fever. Leave it to the Floyd to make it dreamlike at a sincere speed, as they do in Great Gig In The Sky on Dark Side of the Moon. Next, a live at Weblet Stadium version of Elton John and George Michael singing a dueted Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me. No double entendres there. Next: grace, where there is a chart comparing James Taylor’s Fire And Rain, Procol Harem’s A Whiter Shade Of Pale and Sir Paul’s Hey Jude– all at the speed of uni-sexual orgasm (see—a wonder these songs are a bit, uh, too loving? The Bittersweet meanspeed graphs below show one nickname I have for that speed–Teddy Kennedy Speed. The Eagles’ Try And Love Again is compared to the Steely Dan’s Ode to the Kennedy State’s The Boston Rag. I can feel that speed just typing it–it really is kinda mean. Then the bridge from Grace to Mean—a comparison of Kashmir by Led Zeppelin and The Boston Rag. Next to Lonely, which I used to call disgrace, and Queen with the we wanna eat whining chant We Will Rock You, the most overplayed rhythm track of all time, when you consider this lonely we wanna eat beat a play of intimidation at pro sports stadiums–for over 22 years. That pounding beat was written as a reply to Ozzie O or someone who mocked Queen’s early success as “rock opera”–so this was the band’s bad boy song. They did kill at Live Aid. Anyway, at Rebirth, another view of Simply Red’s Holding Back the Years. At Enthisiasm, 2 versions of Summer, Highland Falls by Billy Joel and the metronome track for Bruce Springsteen’s Streets of Philadelphia. I know, how can a song about a man dying in pitiful shame be Enthusiastic?—well, it’s not Bruce that’s dying. We already labeled this the Marvin Gaye Effect—other people’s pain, is, well, easier to bear than our own. Speaking of the Marvin Gaye Effect, here it is in full force at the speed of natural in What’s Going On–a song that sounds like a “groovy party”–a line spoken that begins the recording, as Marvin goes on to sing a Stipe-like indictment of of the cruelty of man and the danger of industrialized technological advances. At the speed of lust, I have included a comparison of the Dave Matthews Band’s Typical Situation and Jimi Hendix’s Purple Haze. At the speed of foreboding, a 25 beat moving average graph of Allentown by Billy Joel, a song about foreboding and tragedy of economy and war in the mining towns of rural Pennsylvania–a sort of musical Deer Hunter, focusing on the inter-generational issues–like war, expectations of life, family, work– imore than the war itself. Ah. the thrill of Victory—three versions of Bruce’s Badlands. What a blast when Bruce released this album. All the numerical coordinates needed to create these graphs are available by writing to me.

Ian Andrew Schneider

NY, New York

03 July 2006

Author: Schneider

Recovering from 5 brain operations, savage subarachnoid aneurysm. Member of New York bar, May 1991-peresent. "Nothing can stop the man with right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude" - THOMAS JEFFERSON